Like Linds, I am struggling to come up with the words to put together a blog about Easter. That being said, this is probably going to be a jumble of thoughts.
This was seriously the best Easter I have ever had. The older I get and the more I know God, the more Easter means to me. And the more I know God, the more I become painfully aware of my humanity. I want so badly to be perfect. I want to love every single person I come in contact with at every moment and never get frustrated or annoyed. I want to never thinking negative thoughts about anyone or anything. I want to not have low points in my walk with the Lord because I have all of the time in the world to devote to spending with Him. I want to never doubt His plan or His faithfulness (as if He has ever given me a reason to doubt either). I want to be full of unending trust. I know it's impossible, but I want to. I try so hard, and I am never successful. Yes, I realize I am not the only one who isn't perfect, but for some reason the reality of my sinful nature has overwhelmed me and I just want to be better. All of these recent feelings left me feeling so overwhelmed with and covered by grace. I am so thankful for grace and forgiveness, because I am a mess on my own.
Friday night I went to Passion City Church's Good Friday service at Verizon Wireless Amphitheater. 12,000 people worshipping. It was incredible. The whole night benefited rebuilding Haiti, which was really cool since so many people have kinda forgotten about it. What I love most about Louie Giglio is that he always expects God to show up big time and do something amazing. And God always does. He wanted us to raise somewhere around $50,000 dollars (I think..?) for 3 different causes. That's a lot of money. This is what he tweeted on Saturday morning: GOOD FRIDAY! Sold out Verizon Amp., 30,000+ joining online, cross of Jesus high, $189,469 given for Haiti! Goals doubled! That. is. awesome. God. is. awesome. Enough said.
I went to the sunrise Easter service with my dad this year. During said service, I came to the following conclusion: I love Jesus and my Daddy more every day. I seriously never thought that I could be so happy. I never knew Jesus offered so much joy. Every day gets better and better. In the words of my new friend Francesca Battistelli, "never knew that I could feel the way I feel, never knew that there could be a love so real, never knew that I could feel the way I feel right now." The best part is that I am only 21 years old, and really only about 6 years into really seeking the Lord in my life. I still have my whole life ahead of me and it's only going to get better! That completely blows my mind! I am so excited to see where the future holds and where God leads me. Now, Daddy. I just adore him. He has changed so much over the past few years and we have gotten so close and I love it. He is always the first one I call when the stresses of school are too much. He still lets me crawl up in his lap. He doesn't mind when I cry so hard he can hardly understand me. Even though he gets frustrated sometimes (like when I lock my keys in my car at 1 am and he has to come and bring me a key...), he loves me unconditionally. He shows me the love of God in his life. He has taught me how to expect a man to treat me and that I deserve the best. And best of all, he thinks I'm really funny. I mean, both of my parents do, but he is pretty much just smitten with me. When I think about how much I love my Daddy, I get so excited about the thought of how much I will love my man one day.
Last order of business about Easter: Some of the girls from our Sunday school class went to the Easter play at church on Saturday. The worst part is always when they are beating Jesus. I just can't stand it. Sometimes I can hardly watch and other times I can't stop watching. I seriously felt like just screaming, "STOP!" at the top of my lungs. I can't even begin to imagine what Jesus went through. for me. for you. for them. you know, those people who you can't stand. He died for them too. I was thinking about how I can't even believe that anyone would go through such a thing for me, when I felt like God just whispered to me, "Caitlin, you were worth it." wow... really? yep, I'm worth it. He loves me. wow. That's all I have to say about that: wow.
Christ is risen from the dead
Trampling over death by death
Come awake, come awake
Come and rise up from the grave
Christ is risen from the dead
We are one with Him again
Come awake, come awake
Come and rise up from the grave
Oh death, where is your sting?
Oh hell, where is your victory?
Oh church, come stand in the light
The glory of God has defeated the night
Our God is not dead
He's alive! He's alive!
-Christ is Risen, Matt Maher
"I like Easter. But let's remember that Christ's resurrection is not truer at Easter than at any other time of the year." -AW Tozer
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