Sunday, January 24, 2010

The Good Thing Is...

At one point during the moment after the leg breakage and the emotional breakdown, Linds and I started saying, "The good thing is..." and naming positive facts. Today I am mad at my leg because I am restless beyond belief. So I have decided to compile all of the good things.

1. I'm really good at hopping on one foot.
2. I'm going to have great looking arms for Case's wedding in June. Thank you, crutches.
3. I am also going to have a great looking right leg... and a pathetic left one. which will be amusing.
4. I am going to have the best balance Wii Fit has ever seen as soon as I can get back on that thing.
5. I like the futon and I got to sleep on it downstairs for a while.
6. Every woman hates shaving her knees. and if you don't, then you are crazy. Well, turns out when your knee is the same size as your thigh, it's SO easy, y'all!
7. I have somewhere to sit down in the shower when I get tired.
8. I have pretty crutches.
9. Bible study is at our house. It is always at our house, but this is just extra convenient and we like Bible study so it is a good thing.
10. We have this thing in chapter called the support bra. It's literally this huge red bra and we vote on someone who just needs a little support. (get it? support from sisters... like a bra supports...? come on, it's cute) We also have a little tradition of saying "3 nuts for (insert sister's name here)" when someone good happens or someone does something really well, etc. and everyone shouts, "nut, nut, nut!" Well my friends. tonight I got the support bra AND 3 nuts for me! twice actually. so that is 6 nuts for Caitlin. my Alpha Gam life is complete.
11. I hate to end on such an odd number, but it needs to be said: I AM BACK WITH MY SISTERS!!! HOLLA!

Thursday, January 21, 2010

What Had Happened Was...

Tibia plateau non-displaced fracture.
aka, my arch nemesis.
allow me to explain.

Last weekend was rush weekend here at NGCSU. I was pumped to be a pi chi! I had an amazing group of girls as well as some amazing girls from other sororities I worked with. It was a hard weekend, but I loved it. As I mentioned before, I was disassociated from Alpha Gam since Thanksgiving. It wasn't really that hard until we got back from Christmas break. By the time rush came, I was SO ready to be back with my sisters!

It's tradition that all of the new girls in the sororities run down the hill onto the drill field. The pi chis run first and are reunited with their sisters before the new girls come. This year we changed the side of the hill we run down for some reason. Turns out that was a bad idea.

As we were running down the hill and goofing off, a couple of us fell. Seemed like no big deal because we were just having fun, but then I couldn't get up. Still, no big deal. I must have just twisted my knee a little and I could shake it off. Not so much. My sweet friend Bekah picked me up off the ground to get my out of the way. I soon realized that I couldn't put any weight on my left leg at all. That's when the tears came. I ended up being carried off the drill field. Most girls would love this. I, however, hate being the center of attention. Not to mention my low rise pants. Enough said.

I am thankful that one of my sisters works at the hospital in Gainesville and got us straight back to the x ray area. 1 xray, 1 CT scan, and 5 hours of sitting and waiting later, we finally found out my leg was broken. When they put the knee immobilizer on, I just freaked out. Which pretty much lasted all the way out of the hospital and most of the way home. When my dad went in to buy my crutches, I had a moment of anger with Linds and with God. I was missing bid day. I was missing the new girls' first moments in Alpha Gam. I was making Lindsey miss her last bid day. I don't have time for this. I have 21 hours of classes. I have to teach. I have Alpha Gam responsibilities. I have to drive. I have a life to live. Caitlin Moss does not break her leg. All these feelings on top of immense pain and intense Loritab= bad combination. Linds prayed with me while my dad was in CVS, and by the time he came back, I was calming down. He even let me go to the end of bid day. Unfortunately, that Loritab kicked in as we were sitting downstairs in Owen and I suddenly felt extremely sick. I stumbled to the elevator and ended up being carried to the bathroom by Bekah and Lindsey. As soon as I got to cool air, I was fine. So weird. I swore off of the Loritab right then and decided I could deal with tylenol and a little bit of pain over being sick.

My mom came up the next morning to stay with me and Rachel came that afternoon. I am so overwhelmed by how great my friends and sisters have been to me. I seriously would not be able to make it without them.

On Wednesday I finally got an appointment with the orthopedic surgeon. Bad news: I'm on crutches and am allowed to put absolutely no pressure on my leg for 3 months. Good news: no surgery and no cast and I have hardly taken any pain medicine at all! It is truly a God thing. 3 months is such a long time, but as long as I don't have to have surgery I can totally handle it.

I feel so optimistic about this, especially because I am in virtually no pain at all, but I am also really having a hard time not getting discouraged. I feel like I can't do anything on my own and I hate that. I am completely dependent on other people for everything. My best friend had to help me get a shower. I can't go upstairs by myself. I can't get a shower if no one is here (although I now have this nice little old lady chair in the shower which makes my life so much easier). I can't help with the dishes or the laundry. I can't sleep. I wake up every morning with my whole body hurting horribly from not being able to move all night. I would rather watch paint dry than sit in class for 3 hours in the exact same position every day. I am tired of sitting period. I can't ride in a car like a normal person. I can't drive. I want to be able to carry on with life without someone having to be right next to me. I am so restless that it makes me cry. I feel like I have no control of my body. My palms and armpits have bruises from the crutches. I am so thankful for my amazing friends, but this is going to get old for them too.

I think God is teaching me something about pride and dependence. I'm not sure what, but I am hopeful. Even when I get discouraged, I'm hopeful.

I won't let Satan try to get in the way; this is still going to be the year of great.

about 3 hours after
first brace
my new friend for the next 3 months
princess parking! holla!
my cute crutches

Friday, January 15, 2010

Passion 2010 :: Awakening

2 warnings: 1. this is long. 2. the formatting is so messed up, but I have been trying to finish this for so long that I just don't care.

So, a few weeks ago I went to Passion. In case any of you don't know, Passion is a conference headed up by Louie Giglio for college students. Also known as the most incredible conference ever. There's so much to say and I don't really know how to say it all. I had every intention of just giving main points and being done with it, but this just kept getting longer and longer. So yes, it is real long, and no, you don't have to read it all if you don't want to.

I went into the week definitely expecting God to show up and do great things, like always, but I feel like I unintentionally underestimated what God was going to do.

Louie Giglio spoke at the first main session. We focused a lot on God's glory. We sing and talk about it all the time, but I don't think I ever really thought about it. Every single thing we do is for Him and His glory. Louie talked about Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead. When Lazarus woke up they celebrated. There is a moment in a Christian's life where Jesus just wakes us up. It doesn't have to be right when we are saved (though it probably should be if you really think about it), but there is a point where we see what God has really done for us and can't help but celebrate. I wrote this in my journal: "when you wake up, celebrate extravagantly! go big or go home!" There comes a point where you have to say that God' glory is the most important thing. Bring it on. Whatever may come, bring it on. Whatever is going to bring God the most glory is what I want to be a part of.

bring me joy, bring me peace, bring the chance to be free, bring me anything that brings You glory. & I know there will be days when this life brings me pain, but if that's what it takes to praise You, Jesus, bring the rain -Mercy Me, Bring the Rain

Second session was my dear friend, Beth Moore. She talked about how God equips us for things and the ways he equips us. I'm just going to give part of my notes here because I could never say it better than Beth (that's right, we're on a first name basis).

1. God equips us by preparing us.

-God has prepared me for this generation.

-if it was not going to be beneficial and equip me, God would not allow it.

2. God equips us by adjusting us.

-God puts me in situations where I don't feel like I fit in order to get me out of my comfort


-I can't go into a new situation without changing.

-until I am around people who bring out the worst in me, I am not at a place for God to bring

out the best in me.

3. God equips us by repairing us.

-don't surrender to ministry, surrender to God.

4. God equips us by filling us.

-whatever God has called me to do, I cannot do.

-don't compare to others. stop running in someone else's lane!

Francis Chan was a little all over the place, but great as always. The biggest thing I got from him is how the people trembled at God's Word. We read it just like a normal book and don't even think twice about it. This is the Word of God. This is God speaking directly to us. It's no different than if He was standing right here telling us the same things and we completely disregard it. We ask God to speak to us as if we deserve such a thing, and we don't. He has given us that gift, but we don't deserve that at all. We should ask him humbly to speak to us, not deservingly. All of this hit me really hard. I felt almost ashamed about the way I had come before God. And still do sometimes, honestly. It take a daily, intentional effort to keep my pride at bay, which is new to me because it is not something I have ever struggled with before. Francis also talked about Peter. Yes, he is kinda marred by his doubt, but overall, he was a wonderful man who loved the Lord so much. Sometimes I look at people in the Bible, like Peter, and think that I'm not that good. I'm not good enough to do the things that they did. But God sees me just the same. He says I can do those great things. That's so amazing to me.

Next in the lineup is my dear school church pastor, Andy Stanley. I love his sermons and was very sad we missed him on Sunday, but there he was on Monday morning to share the same sermon with us! Once again, it's so much easier to just give you my notes on the matter.

-it is a mistake to determine what you want to do before you decide who you are going to be.

-who I am on the inside directs every aspect of my life.

-my doing will always flow from my being.

-when they try to dig up dirt on me, I don't want them to find any.

-what do I want said about me at my funeral? why? what's at stake?

-honesty is the foundation of my relationships.

-purity paves the way to intimacy.

-generosity ensures that what I own doesn't own me.

-what I want said at my funeral is my personal definition of success.

-we are the next generation of leadership.

-what are my non-negotiables?

-don't just be a leader, be a leader worth following.

This is from a breakout session we went to about worship. It was somewhat of a panel consisting of Louie Giglio, Chris Tomlin, Joel Houston (from Hillsong), Matt Redman, and Marilyn Skinner- who works with the Watoto Children's choir in Uganda. Marilyn Skinner is the African Beth Moore, y'all. She blew us away and her stories completely broke my heart. I literally cried through the entire session.

-is faith going to be stronger than fear or is fear going to be stronger than faith?

-"I believe that the cry of the children offends God greatly."

-He is the God of the heaven and of the ditch.

-Jesus is famous for turning the unfortunate into the fortunate.

-for global problems, He has a solution- the church! a revolution of love!

-be a "whatever it takes" kind of girl!

-passion is the difficulty you're willing to endure to accomplish a goal.

-need is not the biggest obstacle, it's the biggest opportunity.

John Piper is really intense, y'all. Really, really intense. He is so awesome though and I loved listening to him! I honestly don't even know how to put anything into words. For him, you should probably just check out Lindsey's blog :)

For me, Passion was mostly about who God is. So many times I just stood there as 22,000 college students sang all around me and I was speechless. I just kept thinking one day I'll be with this many people worshiping like this in heaven. And it will never end. We won't have to go home. We will never have to stop. I can't wait for that day.

Friday, January 8, 2010

10 in 10 & Great

*title admittedly swiped from sweet Mary's blog :)

A few weeks ago, my awesome youth pastor Shad preached at church. His sermon was call 10 in 10. (for those of you who are a tad bit slow like me, that means 10 things in 2010. don't judge me for not getting that at first). He gave us 10 things he would want us to experience in 2010.

1. That you will be able to see God's hand in your life.
2. That you would understand the importance of your time.
3. That you would live within the strengths of your gifts and talents.
4. That you would manage all the stuff God has given you.
5. That you would be able to lead someone to Christ.
6. That you would be able to hear God's voice and obey Him.
7. That you will have the opportunity to jump into God's faithfulness.
8. That you will help your church become more essential in your life and your friends' lives.
9. That you would intentionally invest in other people's lives that do not know Jesus.
10. That you would engage your community.

Shad challenged us to pick at least one thing to take on for the year. We had a time of prayer about them and I really felt God calling me to many more than I really wanted to take on to be honest. I feel so challenged and ready to accomplish some great things for the next year.

Which leads me to this... great. My dear friend Beth Moore once said, "it is a sin to be good when God has called you to be great." Kelly has this posted on her computer at work. I've seen it a million times, but one day it just hit me. I feel like God is calling me to be great. I have no idea what, but I really feel like God is going to do something great this year. And not just this year, but with my life. I have been so reluctant to believe this, much less act on it, and to put it into words was out of the question. But there it is. God is doing something with me. Weird. Why me? Why would He choose me? To do what? When? Where? I have no answers. I have no idea what's going on. All I know is that God is calling me to something. For most, that would be too vague. And I am in no way immune to doubt at all, so there are days where I feel lost and in need of more direction. But for now, knowing that He is calling me to something is enough. This is going to be the year of great. I don't want to just be good anymore. I want to live like God is great. Like His plan for my life is great. Like my life is great. For the great glory of His name. The year of great. Scary. Very scary. But exciting. It gives me butterflies. The kind you feel when you know you are about to see someone you love. Or someone you haven't seen in a long time. You know what I mean. When just the thought is enough to make you want to dance with excitement. I used to look at other women in my life, see their relationship with Christ, and think I could never have that. I found it. I found Him in new and amazing ways over the past year. But I won't settle for complacency. I want to be great. And full of joy.

Joy. 2009 could definitely be the year of joy. It started as a mess. Big mess. And in the mess I found joy. Unspeakable joy. That transcends all circumstances. That sustains my every breath. That makes a broken heart seem like no big deal. That doesn't let school and teaching and awful students get me down. That keeps me smiling. That has put a new bounce in my step. That brings me to tears. Joy. The one thing I searched for and strived to find for 20 years. Joy is finally mine.

joy, unspeakable joy! an overflowing well, no tongue can tell! joy, unspeakable joy! rises in my soul, never lets me go!

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

I Celebrate The Day

I'm finally almost caught up. And it's about darn time because I have so much to say about the new year and Passion and such but I refuse to move ahead until I have properly documented Christmas.

That being said, Christmas was very different this year. For starters, Rachel was with us this year. It was decided that gifts between us all would be scarce but, of course, we were all fine with that. And Santa still out did himself this year ;). It was such a wonderful time with my family. Words seriously cannot express how much I love them and what a blessing they are to me.

my new James Avery ring!
it says "vaya con Dios"
which means "go with God" in Spanish

Mama tried to make gluten free bread... and it exploded
big boys with Bobbie
my favorite cousin.
shhh... don' tell the others
all the grandkids.
my favorite boys in the world.
big kids with Bobbie

dart tag is about to get intense
the master at work on Wii
getting some lessons
Christmas with the Moss family
children's books in Spanish

then He appeared and the soul felt its worth

I celebrate the day that You were born to die so I could one day pray for You to save my life

rejoice, oh world, the Savior has come! son of God, son of man, born that we may have life!

You came like a winter snow, quiet, soft, and slow. falling from the sky in the night to the earth below.

Friday, January 1, 2010

Christmas Eve... For Which I Lack A Witty Title

The night before (Christmas Eve Eve, if you will) we had a little Noonday girls get together at the Parks' house. Mary, Kristina, Dessa, Alexis, Brett, Rachel and I all grew up at Noonday. Though we have all gone our different directions- GCSU, North Georgia, Valdosta, Mississippi State, and Auburn- but when we get back together it feels as though no time has passed and we have a blast together. I seriously love those girls so much and am so thankful for the gift of their friendship.

The older I get the more Christmas means to me. Every year God reveals Himself to me differently and leaves me in total awe of what He did for me. I found myself fighting tears in the middle of the service. I am continually amazed by the love He has for me and I pray that Christmas never becomes just another day.

After the service we always go to my Uncle Bill and Aunt Shannon's house for dinner. They have 3 boys: Connor, William, and Cole. They are ridiculously crazy and I absolutely love it. Christmas with 3 little boys is always so much fun.

Happy Birthday, Jesus!

getting ready to go put the reindeer dust in the yard