Senioritis

1. Let's talk about this here title. The senioritis I am experiencing right now is about 102 times worse than that I experienced 4 years ago. It has manifested itself in such a way that makes me want to do absolutely nothing having to do with school whatsoever and absolutely everything having to do with fun. 220 days til graduation, but who's counting, right?

2. Hi, my name is Caitlin and I am addicted to Twitter. Passion City Church is doing a 5 week prayer journey to the new building which includes fasting from something from sundown on Wednesday to sundown on Thursday. I've never done a fast like this, so I was excited for this journey. I decided I could use a break from Facebook and Twitter. Facebook wasn't that hard because I honestly get tired of Facebook a lot, but Twitter. Y'all, it was so hard. Which just made me mad at myself for being that preoccupied with something. The good news is that this week was almost no big deal. There were only a couple times I actually had to fight the urge to read Twitter. I really am excited about what the Lord wants to do in my life during this time and am just really seeking His direction for the future, including my involvement in PCC... or not. Whatever His will is.

3. This is my newest accessory. Until January. I am going to keep my frustrations to myself, so my positive statement is this: I can't really wear jeans very often because it needs to be right on my leg, which means it's mostly dresses and skirts and tights and leggings for me this winter, which means some major shopping with my mom yesterday. Including, but not limited to, 4 new skirts that were $4 each. Thank you, Old Navy.

4. iPhone 4 = love. Along those same lines, I have a new obsession with a game called Angry Birds. Don't judge me. all you iPhone and iPod touch users need it. trust me. 

5. I only have 2 more weeks left in 5th grade. It's very bittersweet. Bitter because I do like my kids and the teachers are wonderful and give me so much to do to get experience (like hand me lessons when I walk in the door in the morning and ask me to make a rubric, which I have never really done before because I may or may not have took short cuts in my assessment class). But no matter how much I think I love it, I don't belong in 5th grade. Precious little baby Kindergartners and 1st graders are calling my name. 

6. I graduate in 218 days.

7. Found this treasure on my phone from teaching Kindergarten last week. It just needs to be shared. :)

Have a great weekend, y'all!

Healing Is In Your Hands

*I apologize for the incredible length that has been most of my blogs lately. It will not become a trend, I promise*

I had to go back to the orthopedic on Wednesday. I got done with placement at 10:30 and didn't have to be at my appointment until 2:15, so I took my lunch and homework and Bible and went to Starbucks. I hadn't done our homework from Bible study the week before, so I started working on it. The "theme" of this week was "God can do what He says He can do". But what exactly can God do? I started reading about all of the miracles that Jesus performed during His time on the earth. Michelle wrote in our homework, "don't let familiarity with these cheat you out of the awesomeness of them." I am so guilty of this. So I really started to look a them, and was amazed. God can do those things for me, too? I believe that, but sometimes it's so hard to trust that. This really challenged me: "what would you believe Jesus could do in your life if all you had was a New Testament and you didn't have the teachings of man?" Wow.

The Lord did so many amazing things- seriously, miracles- earlier this year with this situation, and I was really trying to believe Him to do more. I read this verse, and began to wonder what this could mean for me in this moment. "Your ways, O God, are holy. What god is so great as our God? You are the God who performs miracles, You display Your power among the peoples." {Psalm 77:13-14} The Message version says, "You're the God who makes things happen; you showed everyone what You can do." Linds pointed out that it uses the past tense, meaning He has already done it and will do it again.

Text conversation with Linds went like this.

Me: Confession. I'm scared to believe that God is going to do something like a miracle (that's what my version says) because I'm afraid of being disappointed. It's easier to believe I'm just going to have surgery.

Linds: Easy to say this, but I'd rather believe and have Him be proud of a daughter who trusts Him completely and believe in His power... and maybe be disappointed... than be one who settles for believing that her God is mediocre and may not perform a miracle but will bring her through... Sorry for the calling out, but you are not one who settles for less than what our God is.

She's right. When did I go from a girl who believed God to do miraculous things to a girl who settles for mediocrity? I am so thankful for friends who call me out. In the words of Beth Moore, "If we are going to make an error in the area of miracles, let it be on the side of belief. Let's never make God smaller but always trust Him for more than we can imagine. Either God will work a miracle that is external and He will get the glory, or He will work a miracle internally in us, and then we can praise Him and give Him the glory."

So I headed to the doctor ready for God to blow me away again. When my favorite PA Amanda didn't come in and the actual doctor, who I had never even met before, did, I knew it wasn't going to be good news. Bad news: I have a cyst developing on my meniscus and a hole in the top of my tibia where cells have died. There's no way to really tell when the cells started dying, if it's a result of the impact and the break, or if it has stopped or will just keep getting worse. Makes sense why it hurts all the time, I guess. Worse news: They're not entirely sure what to do about it. There are a lot of options (not all of which are FDA approved in the US yet), but not all are permanent fixes. She's only seen this 2 other times, never on anyone as young as me, and never on the tibia, which is a very difficult place for it to be. Because I can't do anything by the books and have to be different, a very frustrating characteristic of my injuries. For now, I will be fitted for a brace that takes the pressure off of my tibia in hopes of it beginning to repair itself. If it's still hurting in a few months, around Christmas time (yes, Christmas), we will re-evaluate.

I'm a fan of being totally honest here, even when it's hard to do. I was mad. I held in the tears until she said "Christmas." Christmas?!?! No way. I'm not doing it. I can't do it. I can't do this again. Christmas?! That's almost a year after all this began. It's been 8 months. I'm tired of this. I had a total breakdown that much resembled the one in the CVS parking lot with Linds the day of the leg breakage. Only this time Cosbie had to be the one to deal with it. Bless his heart, he is a good man. I was mad at God. I was mad that He didn't make it better and make it stop hurting. I was mad that Cosbie was on the other side of the country when I needed him. I was mad that I have to wear another brace. No one looks cute in a brace. And it takes a toll on a girl's self esteem, if I'm being totally honest.

I wouldn't talk about it. I either got defensive or turned into a brat or cried every time someone asked me about it. Which is stupid, I know. I couldn't deal with it because I always got so mad. God has a way of getting me by myself to the point where I have no other option besides spending time with Him, and that is where I am the most honest. So we hashed it out last night. And it hurt. And it was is hard. Because I am so frustrated and I doubt my ability to hear what He is saying to me. But last night I heard Him say that just because He isn't doing this on my time doesn't mean He's not going to. Does that make it any easier? No way. But it's not in my control. Healing is in His hands.

Oh, You Make Me Smile

I had the most wonderful long weekend at home. Friday afternoon (after classes) began the much needed long weekend. Bill, Shannon, and the boys came over and cooked out with us. Even though, most of the time, the boys think they are too old and too cool to talk to me much, I still love having them all over. They make me laugh so much. And they finally got to meet Cosbie, so they will get off my back about it. Just kidding, y'all. ;) That night Cos and I met up with Case and Ryan for a little coffee date. They are just the most precious little newlyweds and I absolutely love spending time with them. I miss Case so much and it does my heart so much good to see her.

Saturday we went to the Tech game. Yes, I, Caitlin Moss, went to a Georgia Tech game, sat on the Tech side, wore Tech colors, and even enjoyed myself very much. The things I do to spend time with that boy. ;) In all seriousness, I had so much fun. I love football... even though I hardly understand a single thing about it. I'm more about the experience and the atmosphere than anything else.

We were practically about to die of thirst by the time the game was over (I do require more hydration than the average person) so we stopped at QT (our favorite). When I was getting back in the car I caught a glimpse of my reflection and my bright red shoulders. I now have a wonderful tank top tan line that will stick with me throughout fall. That night we went by the Brummels' house and hung out for a while. So much good conversation. It is so rare to have people like that in life and I am so thankful.

Sunday morning started at Briarlake. Cosbie works there most Sunday mornings and I started going with him a few weeks ago. It's so weird to not be at Noonday when I am home, but I like Briarlake a lot. It has the North Point feel that we like so much but keeps the Southern Baptist theology and traditions we are so attached to. Plus it means Cos and I actually get to sit together in church and listen to the same sermon, something I thought would be a rare occasion. Right now it is quite a haul, but it definitely has potential to be home and I really enjoy it. The rest of the day was spent doing a whole lot of nothing. We had lunch with his parents and did homework for a long time. Sometimes you just need those kinda days: relaxing, getting things done, and sweet family time.

I just love extra weekend days! Monday afternoon we hung out at the house with his sister and her boyfriend. That night we went to Granny's house to cook out with everyone. I am thankful for weekends like this full of time with both of our families. I was supposed to come back to school Monday night... but I just couldn't do it. Sometimes I would just so much rather stay home one more night, and this was one of those nights. Watching Bones with Cos all night > driving back to Dahlonega. Clearly.

Monday night I found out some very sad news from World Language Academy, the school that I teach at. The librarian's husband and the PTO president's husband were in a motorcycle accident over the weekend and the librarian's husband was killed. The man driving the car that hit them was the nurse's husband. The thing I love most about working at WLA is how much the faculty and staff are truly family. So when news of this got around, it hurt everyone. I can't even wrap my mind around such a tragedy or begin to try and understand. Please keep all the families involved in your prayers over the next few weeks.

Despite my heavy heart, I found myself rejoicing as I drove back to school on Tuesday. Some mornings that drive is so rough, but some mornings it is the most perfect time to just hang out and talk with my Heavenly Father. Some of my friends were so heavy on my heart and as I prayed for them and their vastly different current situations, I was just overwhelmed with thoughts of how faithful the Lord has been and continues to be. I love watching the ways that He works in my life and other people's lives on a daily basis. I found my prayers turning into pure praise for who He is and thanking Him for blessing me with such an incredible family, amazing friends, and a man that I had prayed for for years. The Lord is so faithful, sweet friends. So, so faithful. And I am so overwhelmed by His providence.

Creo Que Tu Me Has Sanado

In January I broke my leg.

It hurt. It was hard. It was a lesson in pride and dependence.

I learned to be optimistic.

And the Lord did amazing things. Like this. And this. And last but not least, this. 

While I will always treasure that time of learning, I have no desire to do it again. I have grown accustomed to my leg hurting. It's not bad most of the time, and when it is, it's usually temporary. At some point every day it bothers me and I can't depend on it much at all. I kept telling myself it was just going to get better by doing everyday activities. That is what my wonderful physical therapist said, after all. I started back in my normal gym routine last week. Well, I tried. I couldn't even get to 3 minutes on the elliptical. I opted for the bike (which I hate) and doubled my time and everything seemed fine at the moment. To leave the gym you have to go down a good many stairs. I could hardly make it down. My knee felt like it was going to give out at any moment. After 5 days of this, I finally admitted that Cosbie was right and agreed to make a doctor's appointment.

It needs to be said that I absolutely love my doctor. She is an amazing, godly woman and just makes this whole experience so much better. So should any of you in the Dahlonega/ Gainesville area find yourselves in need of an orthopedic surgeon, give me a call and I will hook you up. :) But as much as I love her, I did not really want to see her again in this scenario. She talked to me about what was going on and when it hurt and such and did some tests to see what muscles and ligaments it could be. But before she sent me to get an x ray and such, she reminded me of all that God did the first time around and that He doesn't change, no matter what. He is still just as faithful, even if I end up having to have surgery. I needed that reminder to keep away the doubt I am so prone to. The x ray shows that my bones healed perfectly and there is no problem there whatsoever. The bad news is that there is a possibility that I tore my meniscus when I broke it. It's easy to overlook because it starts small and gets worse. Basically I am experiencing the beginnings of early arthritis and it will only get worse if nothing is done. 

I had an MRI yesterday. I watch Grey's- I know what an MRI is. But it's a lot scarier when your body is what is going inside that tiny tube. Not. a. fan. After 2 hours at the imaging center and 35 minutes in that darn tube, I was more than ready to get out of there and hope to never return. I go back to Dr. San on Wednesday to get the results. I was reminded to cling back to the words that the Lord spoke to me only 5 days after this all started: "Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace." {Luke 8:48} And when I thought I was crazy for thinking that He could actually be telling me that He was going to heal me: "Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished." {Luke 1:45} From that day forward, I clung to that promise and Linds and I prayed with belief. And He did it. I know He can do it again. Should He choose not to, that's ok. But I'm praying that He will and am believing that whatever He says will be accomplished.

Senior Year

*insert High School Musical 3: Senior Year soundtrack here (yes, I own it and know every word. I have no shame.)*

*it also needs to be said that I started trying to write this blog over 2 weeks ago. obviously it just didn't make it up until now*

This title is the very reason (well, mostly) that I have disappeared from the blogging world. I have so much going on in my head and not enough time to put it on the blog.

1. I. am. so. tired. Exhausted might be a better word choice. I don't understand what's wrong with me. Yes, 4:45 comes very early, but not any earlier than it did last year. I think I have developed the requirement of more sleep since last year or something. Not sure what's going on, but I am fighting sleep while driving to and from placement every morning and took a nap for an hour and a half yesterday. I mean out cold. I realized that I have this misconception that I will be able to sleep once I graduate, but that is, in fact a lie.

2. Placement started this week and I'm in 5th grade. I don't do 5th grade. They are so old. and big. I like my precious baby Kindergartners. So far it's going fine, but it's just very different. I'm kinda just seeing this as something to get through in order to graduate. Today I just did not want to go. A parapro was out in Kindergarten and my supervisor came and asked me if I could help out for the morning. Music to my ears. I wanted to grab my stuff and run down to those precious babies. On the way to placement I was really doubting my abilities to teach. (that tends to happen when I'm in a placement that I don't love) Being in K was such a blessing and such confirmation. I just love them.

3. My friend Savannah's family is in China right now to bring home Shaylee Joy. I have loved keeping up with their blog. It melts my heart every day and makes me long for the day when my baby girl is mine. You can also follow them here.

4. Bible study has officially started back! We are doing our own version of Believing God. Michelle does such an awesome job tweaking things like that for us. I have already done this study twice, but I am so pumped- I'm so curious about what I missed the first 2 times that God wants me to find this time. These girls and this time are such a blessing.

5. Chapter has also started back. Alpha Gam is in full swing. I didn't realize how much I missed it, but it's weird to be the old sisters. I'm not so sure that I'm ready to graduate after all. I don't want to be a big girl.

Happy Wednesday, friends!