Monday, June 15, 2009

Staying In Love

I finally finished watching Andy Stanley's series called Staying In Love and absolutely loved it! (no pun intended) These are just a few highlights of the notes I wrote in my journal while I watched. I averaged about 3-4 pages for each week (4 weeks) so I won't put them all up, but I would really suggest checking it out.

-The key to staying in love is to make love a verb.
-Choosing the right person is part of it, but learning to be and become the right person is the bigger part of it.
-The feelings and emotions are not the engine of the relationship.
-Love is something you actively do.
-It's about mutual submission. The biggest conflict should be who takes priority. Even if you don't make my the priority, I'm making you my priority. When you are constantly putting each other ahead of yourselves, it creates a balance.
-Submission means I place myself under you because I want to, not because you want me to or I feel like I have to.

-Falling in love requires a pulse; staying in love requires a plan. Falling in love requires attraction; staying in love requires action.
-God created me to love someone intimately in every way possible and to do life with them until death parts us, but the world tells me this isn't possible.
-Even though loving like Christ is difficult, isn't it true that I would love to be loved like that?
-The heart of staying in love is valuing him above myself. Always act like he is more important that me. I defer to him. It's about respect. All day, every day.
-How do I treat my most valuable possession? There's almost a sense of awe about it. That's how I should treat him. It comes naturally at first and then becomes something that is done intentionally. That's how the love gets deeper and better. It's a lifestyle to be developed.
-I am mostly interested in the things that interest me. I must learn to express interest in whatever he is interested in and support it.
-I can spend the rest of my life being right or I can be in love. I can't have both. (that's a big deal for stubborn me)

-It would be possible to be in love like we're 16 years old forever if our hearts had never been hurt and we didn't have any baggage, but that's not what life is like. We all have stuff inside of us and don't really know what it is until we're in a committed relationship and we hit a bump. The reason these "things" come out isn't because of the other person, it's because of what is inside.
-My ability to feel a certain way is determined by the condition of my heart. My ability to stay in love has as much to do with my heart as it does with who I'm with. Everything I do flows from my heart. My relationship is the overflow of my heart. If my heart isn't in good shape, I won't be able to maintain a healthy relationship.
-If I want to stay in love, I have to monitor my heart.

-In every relationship, at some point, there is a gap between what we expect and how a person behaves. In these gaps me choose to either believe the best or assume the worst. That decision makes all the difference.
-2 things determine what you put in that gap: what you see (situation) and who you are (experiences)
-Find the most generous explanation for each other's behavior, and then believe it.
-Love protects the integrity of the relationship. I won't look for negatives. I'm looking for a way to keep love alive.
-Every time you choose to think negatively, you have contributed to the demise of your relationship.
-The last thing your significant other wants to do is disappoint you. When you go negative, it communicates disappointment and says "no matter how hard you try, you will never measure up" Every time that is communicated, you push them further and further away.
-When you choose to believe the best and communicate that, it builds the relationship.
-I will use these gaps to bring you closer to me. Am I willing to place in that gap "I trust you" until there is absolutely no excuse, and then we will have to have a tough conversation. But when that conversation is over, the trust comes right back in the gap.

1 comment:

  1. Um, yes. Kept inviting you to come to church with me!!! This was the series Andy was doing. Very, VERY good!