Sunday, February 21, 2010

I Believe You're My Healer

We have been studying 1 Samuel in Bible study this semester. I love the Old Testament! I love reading about people and seeing myself in their place and figuring out what their life means to my life. It's so exciting, like a story, and you never know what is going to happen next. Whoever says God is boring has definitely not read some of the stuff in the OT. But I digress. The point is this: I immediately fell in love with Hannah in 1 Samuel. She was 1 of 2 wives to her husband, Elkanah. Wife #2, Peninnah, had no problem giving Elkanah children, but Hannah couldn't have any and Peninnah rubbed it in her face constantly. Hannah told God that if He gave her a son, she would offer him right back to Him. God gave her a son and she immediately offered him.

That being said, Friday morning I drove to placement by myself since I was meeting my mom before my appointment. I was kinda excited about being able to have 50 whole minutes of alone time to pray about what the day was going to hold. I turned off the radio and decided to just have a conversation with God the way whole way there. I like those moments where I just have conversations with him that literally start with something like, "ok, here's what's up"... as if He doesn't know. I kept thinking about Hannah: about her faith, her sacrifice, her love for the Lord and for her son. Hannah was so specific in her request. If Hannah can do it, why can't I? That conversation went something like this: "here's the thing God. I know that You have the power and ability to completely heal my leg and allow me to walk out of that office. I know you might not, but I know that You can. I don't have to walk out of there. I'm ok with that. but I want her to tell me that I only have 1 more month instead of 2. I want this to be the half way mark. I need to see the light at the end of the tunnel because I don't think I can do this for 2 more months. If You choose not to do this, I know that doesn't make You any less powerful, but I'm asking You to do this and believing You to do something awesome." Of course right after I said such a thing, I started to doubt myself. Things like that only happen in the Bible, not in my life. Who am I to think that God would ever do something like that for me? But I asked nonetheless. Couldn't hurt, right?

I had another xray and when my doctor looked at it she said my bones had healed "ridiculously perfectly." (I feel as though her close proximity to my age and the fact that she uses phrases such as aforementioned phrase are what make us get along so well.) She was amazed at how perfectly and just kept looking at the xray. She took my crutches and told me to hold onto her arms and try to walk. I'm sorry, what?! No way. But I did it. And she wasn't expecting that either and told me not to do it again. (confession: I walked across the living room today.) I can straighten it all the way almost, but can't bend it very much at all. I think a lot of that is fear. Sometimes I move it in a weird way and it hurts. Because I haven't been able to pinpoint exactly what I do that hurts so bad, I was terrified to bend it. She said at this point moving it isn't going to hurt it and I need to be doing it as much as possible. Since my range of motion is kinda lagging, I start therapy tomorrow. (Throwing out a prayer request for this to any of my sweet bloggy friends who are up at 7:30 am. I am terrified of therapy. It is going to hurt. bad. In fact a tear just slid down my cheek as I typed that because I thought about it. Ugh.) THEN she said that it looks like I only have 4 more weeks in the brace. 4 weeks, y'all! 4 WEEKS= LESS THAN 1 MONTH! Unfortunately the date she wanted to schedule my appointment is the day I'm supposed to come back from the beach for spring break (and also unfortunate that I will be on crutches on spring break) so I go back on March 22. In one month I will be walking again.

God is so faithful. I am so completely blown away and humbled that He would hear my request and answer it. I am really almost to a place where I am thankful for this darn broken leg. Almost. One of the new sisters broke her foot a couple weeks ago and I was able to help her get used to the crutches and Linds made them cute for her and I made them padded so they wouldn't hurt anymore. We have gotten to spend so much more time with her and have made a precious new friend. I have also been able to experience God in a whole new way: as my Healer. I have prayed for God to be this for other people and most definitely believed Him for that, but I have never experienced that part of Him. I am amazed at how He is revealing Himself to me and deepening my relationship with Him, even while I'm struggling with wanting so much more time with Him and feeling overwhelmed by a lack of time in general. He saw me fighting to find my way closer to Him and struggling so He came closer to me. I love that He meets me where I'm at. Although I would have chosen a different route, I love knowing God as a different role in my life and allowing Him to work through this when I can't.

You hold my every moment
You calm my raging seas
You walk with me through fire
And heal all my disease

I trust in You
I trust in You

I believe You're my Healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe You're my Portion
I believe You're more than enough for me
Jesus You're all I need

Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
You hold my world in Your hands

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