Tuesday, March 2, 2010

I'm Finding Myself At A Loss For Words

This is a disclaimer that this post is going to 1. be rather long and 2. make you feel weird and 3. hopefully make you just as amazed as I am about who God is.

I was by myself in our apartment this weekend and was really looking forward to it. I was also not so sure about it because I haven't been here by myself for that long since the broken leg incident. There were some moments of utter frustration where I just threw my stuff up the stairs in hopes that it didn't break and I traveled around the house with my backpack a lot. And laughed about it a lot. Yes, by myself. I mean if you can't learn to laugh at yourself during these times then you'll never make it. It was a very amusing weekend. And most of that doesn't even have anything to do with my story.

Sunday morning I got up extra early for church just in case it took me a lot longer without Linds here. Everything was fine, but taking me wayyyy longer than usual. For no reason. Then it took me 40 minutes to get to church. It normally takes about 25 minutes, but 40? That's a little ridiculous. So, I get there, have to park kinda far away, and realize I don't know how I'm going to carry my Bible and stuff into church seeing as I brought it downstairs and to my car in my backpack and was certainly not going to take my backpack into church. So I called Sara and she had to come and help me with my stuff. I'm reallll tired of that. Sara had saved seats rather close to the front so we had to walk to the front when it was already packed and I just felt like everyone was watching me (because apparently I'm that vain?). Theme of this morning: annoyed.

When Sara and I were walking into church, there was a group of about 6 or 7 guys walking behind us, all probably out of college. I can't remember exactly what they were talking about, but I remember thinking how nice it was to hear so many guys my age talking about the Lord like they were. As I was looking in the bulletin waiting for church to start, there were a couple of opportunities to get involved and I started thinking about it. Because clearly I have all the time in the world to get involved in something else. Then what if I met someone. I started thinking about how fun it would be to be involved at such an awesome church as Browns Bridge with a man that I love. Basically I let my mind wander for a while, but once church started I pushed all of these thoughts to the back of my head.

When church was over, Sara and I waited and waited and waited to get out through the back and then decided to just go out the side door. I almost ran into this man who then proceeded to stop me and ask me what happened to my leg. I hate this question. I should just make business cards with the link to this blog on them so they can go read about them. Sometimes (ok, a lot of times) I make up stories to strangers. I mean, I'm never gonna see them again, so why not? It's fun. Anyway, for some reason I didn't make up a story but just tried to be real nonchalant about it and hope he would just blow it off. False. He told me that he saw me walk in and told his wife they needed to pray for me but kinda forgot after that. Then he ran into me. So he asked me if they could pray for me. Right there. Now, I wasn't entirely sure what to think about this, but what I do know is that I am not going to tell someone they can't pray for me. So I consented, feeling very awkward. He asked me some more questions and then told me he was going to listen to what God had to say and then pray. So he grabbed my hand and his wife put her hand on my knee and he was quiet for a moment. Once again, awkward, but might as well just roll with it. When he started to pray, it was so powerful. I was just in awe of how sincerely this man was praying for me and he didn't even know me. I wish I could even remember exactly what he said, but he certainly prayed for some intense, divine healing. When he was done praying, he just kept talking to me and I was in total awe. Then out of no where, he said, "and that man that you have been praying for, he's coming. I know it seems like the wait is so long, but he is going to come for you. Wait on the Lord's timing. Don't get ahead of Him. He has someone amazing out there that He is preparing for you and it is going to be so much better than you could have ever imagined, so for now, just keep following the Lord and doing what you're doing. You're exactly where you need to be."

What you need to know is this: I pray for my future husband. a lot. The more that I pray about him and for him the more I realize that I am probably going to be alone for a while. And I feel great about that. I know that God is calling me somewhere else. I don't entirely know where yet, but it's not here. If I were with him, whoever he is, my heart would still be tied down here and it would be so hard for me to go wherever God leads. I am completely content with knowing all of that. Completely content with where I am right now. But like any girl, sometimes my thoughts get ahead of me. How on earth could that man have known that my mind was running away with me that day and I needed a little reminder? How did he even know that I'm not practically engaged or something? How did he know that I am waiting for him so anxiously? I am not ashamed to say that I was tearing up a little at this point. After all this, he just told us to have a good day and walked away. Sara and I didn't even say anything. We just turned around and walked out. And awkwardly laughed a couple times because we didn't know what to say.

I'm never going to forget that day. I felt so weird about it, but who am I to try and tell God that He can't work? I was talking to a girl in my cohort and she made a very good point when she said, "the only reason we think it's so weird is because we have God in our own little box and think He has to do things our way."

If this is how God chooses to show Himself to me at any given point, far be it from me to even try and stop Him. I am still in total awe of how amazing He is and I know He is doing something awesome here, even if I can't totally see it yet.

1 comment:

  1. I love the story you told about the guy in your church who prayed for you with his wife- I had tears in my eyes reading it! Especially the part about waiting for your husband. I can so relate! Thanks for sharing it.