I found something I posted about a year ago entitled "Plan B". It's funny how easily I forget things that God has said to me after some time has passed. The past week I have really struggled with maintaining a positive attitude about this whole Mexico/school situation. To me, this has been Plan B: the alternative, second best, not preferred. I was supposed to leave on Saturday and when I came back I was supposed to be done with my minor. Then in August, when I started my placement at the World Language Academy, I would be totally confident in my speaking abilities and feel more comfortable in the classroom. Everything was going to work out perfectly. If I said I'm not mad that we're not going I would be lying. If I said I wasn't mad about having to take another class online I would be lying. And if I said I wasn't stressed about having to figure out how to finish my minor I would be lying. I've been trying to be positive, but I just don't feel like it sometimes, and I know that is very childish.
Last night I read this verse: "In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." Proverbs 19:6. I had it all planned out, but ultimately He plans my steps. He knew when I first decided to go on this trip that it wouldn't work out. He knew I would be upset and knew that I would be stressed. But that was always part of the plan. He doesn't have a "plan B" so why should I? If I am truly committed to following His plan, shouldn't that mean I willingly follow even when one door after another is shut? Instead of being upset, I should be looking for what I can learn from this. I have come to realize that this is an opportunity for me to cling to God and look to Him more and more. I don't know where He is going to lead me, but I'm excited to find out.
whatever You're doing inside of me, it feels like chaos but somehow there's peace. And it's hard to surrender to what I can't see, but You're up to something bigger than me, larger than life, something Heavenly.