Thursday, June 17, 2010

You Won't Forget This Wandering Child

Rewind with me for a minute to July 10, 2009. Last day of camp. Week 1 was easy. Week 2 was insanely difficult. but worth every second. When we left that day, I felt like I was leaving a piece of my heart. I was already geared up for next year.

Fast forward to August, junior orientation day. Last day to sign up for classes and I suddenly realized I was going to have to take 2 summer classes. Which meant no camp. That wasn't even an option. So I met with my advisor before I left that day and added another class, giving me a grand total of 21 hours for the semester. It was so hard, but I knew it would be worth it. Still, I swore I wouldn't do it again... until the next semester. About half way through the semester and around the time to apply for camp, I started wondering if that's where I really needed to be. The very thought scared me. How could I even entertain the idea of not being there? I went back and forth and prayed about it so much. I wasn't getting a "no" about it, so I applied. If that's where I needed to be, then I would be there. By the time I left for Panama, I still hadn't heard anything. Suddenly it hit me that I actually might not work camp. And I wasn't ok with it.

A few weeks into Panama, I finally got an email saying I was working both weeks of camp. Then I got one that said that there was a glitch in the system and all the applicants got the confirmation email. Then I got a real confirmation that I was working both. A whole lot of excitement then disappointment, but ended on excitement. The week after I got home from Panama I got a call from Jennifer saying that we don't have many girls signed up for week 2 so they don't need me to work. Of course I said I understand and said all the right things, but none of that stopped the tears. Nor did that understanding stop the tears yesterday when I found out for sure that I won't be staying 2 weeks.

Yes, I'm disappointed, but more than that, I'm mad. Not sure who I'm mad at exactly, but I am a little mad. I worked so hard all year so that I could do this camp. I could have taken those classes over the summer and missed a couple for one week of camp and it would have been fine. I am just having a hard time understanding why I felt so strongly that I am supposed to be there and took all of those classes. I know that God has a plan here, and I know that I am not called to understand that plan, but it doesn't make it any easier.

All of that being said- aka a whole lot of rambling- I am beyond excited to be at camp in only 8 days! And for all you creative people, I need an idea of something my girls can wear for competition every day. I've already done bandanas and want something new this year :)

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