& If Our God Is For Us

I apologize for taking so long to post this. I am trying to do better about updating, especially about the important things. Like our appointment with the oncologist (henceforth referred to as Dr. Andrews... what's that make you think of Linds?) on Wednesday. 

Something about the cancer center puts me on edge. It makes me mad. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I don't like the way I feel when I'm there. Maybe it scares me because cancer is such a scary word. All I know is that Wednesday afternoon I was not feeling like myself and I was ready to get this appointment on the road. Waiting in that waiting room makes 5 minutes feel like 5 hours. It's like time ceases to pass as usual. It's painstakingly slow. And I was nervous. But putting on my best smile... and playing words with friends to distract myself.

Dr. Andrews began by telling us that Cosbie's bone marrow test came back negative (meaning that the cancer is not in his bones- thank You, Jesus!), that it hasn't spread anywhere else in his body, and was stage 2. We can do stage 2. But the more he looked at the scans the more he began to think it is actually stage 1. What a blessing! We caught it very early. He's looking at 2 months of chemo- 4 rounds, 1 every 2 weeks, a month break, a PET scan (the one that lights up all the cancer cells), and about 2 weeks of radiation. If all goes as planned, which is my prayer, he will finish chemo on April 11.

So what about the wedding? We talked with Shad last week and I almost had my heart set on moving the marriage up and the wedding back. I am in this with him 100%, so why not go ahead and make it legal? But we wanted to get Dr. Andrews' opinion. With such a good prognosis, he says leave it May 21. He won't have much hair, but who cares? I still have my reservations, but they say he will feel fine and Cosbie swears he's up to it. So May 21 it is. This isn't what we had planned between now and then, but we are ready to do it.

When we left I didn't even know what to say. I was beside myself with excitement, but conflicted about being excited about cancer. But what an answer to prayer! We could not have possibly gotten better news than we did. All I could do was thank God over and over. Even today, Cosbie and I were talking about this very moment and agreed that we both said to ourselves, "we can do this. no big deal." 

He starts chemo on Monday at 10:45. The hardest thing is to not be able to be right by his side the whole time. I am so torn between wanting to be with him and having to be at school. I love my sweet Kindergarten babies, but I love him more. 

I find myself repeating over and over, "and if our God is for us then who could be against?"

Bring it on. We're taking this lymphoma down.