At this point I am so overwhelmed with the lack of my blogging that it makes me not want to even do it. Hence why I haven’t in so long. But then I get frustrated at myself about it because there is soooooo much to say and who wants to read the blog of a girl who never blogs.
Welcome to my head.
Now here we go.
For the first time in my life I know what it feels like to legitimately feel like I don’t have enough hours in a day. I thought I was busy and thought I always needed more time, but I really had no idea until I started student teaching. My day begins at 5:00 am and I usually don’t get back to my house until at least 5:00 pm. When I get home it’s time to make dinner and then finish homework and plans for the next day and then go to bed and do it all again. To say that I’m exhausted would be an understatement.
But I love it. I seriously, seriously love it. I have fallen in love with 82 five year olds. They make me laugh and make me mad and make me want to cry and push my buttons and love on me and I adore them. I feel like I belong in Kindergarten. I sing all day and make all kinds of songs up. I’ve always thought that my life should be a musical, I just had no idea it would be one that starred 5 year olds. I use words and phrases like friendly neighbor, lock it like a rocket, and criss cross applesauce and have found a new octave I didn’t know my voice had. We go to the nurse no less than 4 times a day, and most of the time come back with nothing more than directions to drink some water and tough it out. Indoor recess consists of watching a movie such as Nemo, Cars, or Toy Story and they all have a whole new meaning to me having seen them through little kid eyes. I make things up about our stories coming to life at night (so of course our pictures need lots of details!) and our classroom is a movie theater where we get kicked out (to our seats and off the rug) if we talk.
They are some of the most beautiful children I have ever met in my life. They open their mouths to talk and I just want to bottle them up to have forever. When they smile their snaggle-toothed smiles it literally melts my heart. And when they cry when I make them move their clip it breaks my heart. They bring me so much joy and wear. me. out. I had no idea it was possible to love children who aren’t mine so much.
This week Mrs. T (my cooperating teacher) was in and out for random parent conferencing, a sick day for her son, and interviews for an incoming parapro. This left me alone with the kids for most of the day. Of course that was a little intimidating at first, but I learn best by being thrown in and having to learn as I go. For the first time I felt like I can do this. I can be a teacher. This is where I am supposed to be. This is what I am supposed to be doing. It has it’s ups and downs and moments when I think that I can’t, but I can. I don’t know what the future holds. I don’t know if I’ll be able to find a job, much less a job teaching Kindergarten. But I know that I am right where I am supposed to be. And that is enough for now.