Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Curse You Swine Flu

I realize that everybody and their mother's brother is talking about the swine flu these days, but this problem that seems so far from really affecting us actually affects me in a huge way. As many of you know, I am supposed to leave for Mexico in 12 days. It's funny because yesterday I was crying because I was so nervous and really second guessing my ability to stay away from everything that I know and jump into another culture for a month, and today I am crying because my trip has been cancelled. I think I was somewhat relieved for a second, thinking that I could be at home or be in Dahlonega if I want and hang out with my friends. I wouldn't feel as rushed and like I had such limited time to see everyone. And I was so nervous about the whole thing that it suddenly seemed like it wasn't a problem. But someone just asked me how I feel about it being cancelled and I just started to cry. I don't think I had really thought about it all day. The past few months have been such a battle against discouragement for me. Everywhere I turn doors are closed. I think it's all making sense and then it all falls through. I truly want to be where God wants me, I just can't seem to figure out where that is. I am really struggling with trying to decipher if all of the complications we have faced with this trip are God telling us to stay away or the Devil trying to keep us from doing His work there. An official decision will be made on Friday, but there are a lot of factors that make this a very difficult decision for many people. I know that this is going to work out the way it needs to, so please just be praying that all of us can accept whatever is decided.

"You are all I need, my portion forever, the strength of my heart and my life. My sufficiency, in You I take refuge. You're my all when all is gone."

"You don't have to look for anyone else. I want to go. Here is my time, here are my hours, here I am. My life is for You, in You I want to invest. Here are my hands, here is my voice, here I am."

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